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Keeping Your Kids Safe
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AbductionA friend of mine recently asked me if I know what the statistics are for child abductions. Where do they happen? In the city? In the country? How do they usually happen? I did't know, and I have often wondered why this information is not openly distributed to parents so that we can be better prepared. She said that if I do find out, that I should post that information on Emerge. Her question was the inspiration for this page. So here is what I could find. It is a heart-breaking subject, but one that parents spend a great deal of energy worrying about, and for good reason. Evidently, specific details about how crimes are committed are not kept, but some general details are. They are highlighted below, and I have provided you with some very good links.
All of the references that I found were to a study done on the year 1999. In 1999, 114 children were abducted by strangers. I recently heard a woman talking on the radio about her book in which she says that parents are overly concerned about child abduction, and that 114 is too small of a number to cause the fear and overly-protective behavior exhibited by parents. I disagree however. If you distribute that number by population, that means several children are kidnapped in Minnesota by strangers each year. To me, that is a high number, and stranger abduction is not the most worrying statistic, as I will discuss. Most startingly, that dwarfs the number of abductions by acquaintances who have just as horific motivations. This type of abduction may be for a short period of time during which the victim is assaulted and then released. About 600 of those children are killed each year. Here is a quote from the Crimes Against Research Center: In 1999, there were an estimated 58,200 child victims of non-family abductions, defined more broadly to include all non-family perpetrators (including friends and acquaintances as well as strangers) and crimes involving lesser amounts of forced movement or detention in addition to the more serious crimes entailed in stereotypical kidnapping...•Two-thirds or more of abduction victims were female, and a majority were adolescents, ages 12 through 17. www.unh.edu/ccrc/kidnapping/ In essence, that means that your children are more in danger from the people you know than the people you don't.
Surprisingly, it is difficult to find out specifics about this. The website where I found the above chart also had some interesting charts based on the National Incident-Based Reporting System (NIBRS)
In addition to obsessively keeping your kids within eyesight at all times, there are other things that you can do. Because familial or acquaintance abductions and assaults are most prevalent, make sure that there are always two adults present with your children if you are not there. You can do this covertly without making a big announcement. Just create circumstances that ensure it. Other parents who are also informed or concerned will go along with it. If you have a nanny or a babysitter, be on alert until you are sure that you can trust not only that individual, but those people he or she brings your children around. Talk to your kids about lies, secrets, and people who have problems, keeping in mind that there may be people in your circle or community that your children may trust simply because you know them, but who may hurt your child. From a young age I have educated my children about their bodies and told them very blatantly that there are sick people that take an interest in certain body parts, and that they should tell me if anyone shows an interest. Don't be shy to take out an anatomy book or during a bath talk in a matter-of-fact way about their bodies. The following link has what I think are some good conversation starters for children of all ages: www.TheNewParentsGuide.com |
Sexual AbuseThis is a sensitive topic for me since it is something that affected my life, and even now in my forties, there are still moments when the memories grip me with terror. The sad fact is that in this country, one in three women will be sexually assaulted in some way during their life-time. In many parts of the world, that number is even higher. But girls are not the only victims. One in seven boys will also be assaulted. If you ever have any doubts about another adult, go with your instinct. A good rule is to make sure that there will always be two adults present with your children when you are not there. You can not tell a sex offender by looking at them.
There is a one in four chance that your child will be assaulted by age 18. This means that you need to help your child learn to feel safe telling you secrets. If your child tells you something that seems odd, write it down immediately, and then call the police without hesitation. Once informed, the police are required to act. It is out of your hands, which is a good thing, because usually the perpetrator is someone you know, and parents are often afraid to embarass that individual, surprisingly even at the cost of their own child's safety. There is a human trait at play there. By reporting it to the police, they will handle it with expertise, having, unfortunately, dealt with many similar crimes. Write down anything else that your child says. Be calm with your child. The police have experts on staff who handle these crimes and will be able to advise you. You may be affraid that calling the police will elevate the incident in your child's mind and cause more harm. However, that is not the case. Your child needs to see that individual be held responsible for what they have done. You also need to protect other children around that individual. Sadly there is rarely just one victim. What I have seen is that if an assault is handled properly by the police, and the child gets help right away, there is little or no lasting affect on them as adults. This means that in addition to simply trying to prevent your children from being assaulted, you need to teach them how to talk about their bodies, talk about what they like and don't like to their peers and adults, and generally empower them. Most often young victims will be threatened into silence by being told that their parents won't love them, or someone won't love them, or some similar concept. Here is a good site to give you some starter information:
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This page focuses on the two most terrifying crimes committed against children: sexual abuse and abduction. The best way to keep your children safe from these crimes is to be informed. I am a survivor of a childhood that was filled with violence and sexual abuse. As part of my recovery, I met many men and women who had been through terrible experiences, most right under the noses of their mothers or families. In my case, I was told to keep it a secret, and I didn't dare tell anyone, although I tried to give clues to the adults around me. No one caught on. It is my hope that through this page, you will be able to feel informed about how these crimes happen so that you can prevent them, or help your child if they have been assaulted. I dedicate this page to all of the children and adults in the world who like I did, are now suffering in silence. May you one day find your voice and sing.
